i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
