fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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