Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
