i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
