and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And then he peed in my hair
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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