george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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