In the future we'll all be gay
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The Olympian is in my bed
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