Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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