I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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