I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
