Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
