Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
