im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize