why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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