found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
honey bunches of taint.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
