Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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