sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
