I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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