im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I showed him my bush... on skype.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
