I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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