Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
