look no pants
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This toilet bowl is my home.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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