I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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