Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
