how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
