Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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