Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm too high and old for this...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
