Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I pour the whiskey from now on
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
