why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
