your parents love me but you hate me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
