So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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