Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
