I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
