I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize