he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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