I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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