saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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