Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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