This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize