Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
where does the pee come out of this thing
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
