you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
NoShamevember. You game?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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