Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
