You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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