If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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