New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
