you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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