Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
