I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
