ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
