4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
