I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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