They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
