They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
