considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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