eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize