The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
