Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
