hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
