3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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