So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
