Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize