I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
