Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
