Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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