"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
