That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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