You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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