I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
me + whiskey = a bad person
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
