Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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