Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
