FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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